I have so so so much to be thankful for

Sitting here, writing to friends around the world this evening, I've been struck by just how much I have to thank God for. For friends, for the opportunities to have travelled, for somewhere safe to sleep tonight, for loving parents, for the chance to study, for the chance to hang out with some pretty awesome friends, for food, for drink, for a computer to write on, for books to read, games to play, clothes to wear....this is just a start. God is good. Thanks be to God.

this isn't a new year's resolution...

for a number of reasons, firstly it isn't the New ear yet, it's Christmas Eve. Secondly, I'm not going to burden myself with that sort of resolution in a public forum.

But for a while I've wanted to start blogging again. I'm conscious that in a few months time I'll be out of the conversational atmosphere of theological college, and I know that I need conversation to help my thinking continue and to flourish. In the past blogging has been a source of that sustenance, and I wonder if it might be again.

earthquake

So about 10 minutes ago, just before 1am, there was an earthquake. Went downstairs, spoke to my housemate, who agreed that she too had felt something. Turned on radio 5, and there were reports of tremors across half the country. Odd.

Called my friend, who I had had dinner with this evening, she too had felt it - she lives just round the corner from me, so she would have done.

All very odd. Went outside and birds had obviously been woken up. Really weird.

There's text flashing across the top of the news pages of the BBC website, reporting the tremor, more to come later it says. Reporting it in the West Midlands, but on radio 5 people were texting in from Manchester, Nottingham, Bedford, Cheltenham, Rochdale, all over the place.

Update:
Apparently it was 4.7 on the Richter Scale, and the epicentre was about 30 miles south of Hull. Possibility of aftershocks......

no country for old men

So yesterday, having had to rearrange my day off as I worked on Monday, I went to watch 'No Country For Old Men'. I'd heard that it was meant to be pretty good (Oscar nominations are a bit of a giveaway) and I wasn't disappointed.

The bleakness of the landscapes, and bleakness of the situations in which the characters found themselves was wonderfully portrayed.

Part of me was a little frustrated that the audience doesn't get to learn a whole lot about the history of the characters, but I guess that just adds to the bleakness of it all.

I came away from the film not entirely sure how to feel. I'd enjoyed the film, but I wasn't quite sure why. I guess the ending was a bit sudden, it certainly wasn't a 'happy ending', though with the Coen brothers directing it was never likely to end in a conventional fashion. In some ways it was almost rather haunting, possibly depressing, that people could act in such a way. The fact that we don't know much about the background of the characters, for me, merely adds to this sentiment.

But don't get me wrong, it is worth seeing.

books

Been doing quite a bit of reading of late. Which has been really good. I ended up doing quite a bit of reading while I was on retreat a week or so ago. (Actually its ten days ago now, the time has flown by, but in some ways it seems ages ago.) The first book I've been reading is 'Thomas Merton's American Prophecy'. Essentially this is a biography of Thomas Merton, but throughout the book there are quotes and bits of his writings, many of which I've found helpful, have resonated with me, maybe even inspired me, at the very least I've wanted to make note of them. Here's just one of them for you...."Life does not have to be regarded as a game in which scores are kept and somebody wins. If you are too intent on winning, you'll never enjoy playing. If you are too obsessed with success, you will forget how to live. If you have learned only how to be a success, your life has probably been wasted." (Thomas Merton: Love and Living: 10-11)

The next book I've been reading is 'Growing Souls' by Mark Yaconelli. Now I've read another book by Mark Yaconelli - Contemplative Youth Ministry - but I don't think I ever got round to blogging about it. But it was brilliant. In fact it was in CYM that I first was exposed to little snippets of Thomas Merton. (CYM being the book Contemplative Youth Ministry, not the Centre for Youth Ministry, where I did my first degree.) Anyway. Growing Souls is also a very good book, though a very different book to CYM. Growing Souls essentially tells the story of the 'Youth Ministry and Spirituality Project', the results/findings of which are the basis for CYM. I found Growing Souls to be a refreshing reminder of many of the things I was inspired by in CYM, and an encouragement as I reflect on the work and ministry I engage in at the moment here in Sheffield. Reading over the last few days, as I've been thinking about my future, and some of the things that are important to me, it has served as a prompt not to forget, or to let go of, or maybe to sacrifice, some of the things that I have really grown to appreciate in my life over the last few years. I'm talking about space to reflect, a sense of not needing to rush about from one thing to the next, of silence, of reflecting inwardly, of retreats, a growing contentment with who I am, a growing contentment with life and the things it throws at me.

Another book, which in its own way has also reminded me of some of the things which I've grown to cherish and place value on is a collection of Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstalls comments and columns, cunningly entitled Hugh Fearlessly Eats it All (if you say it quick it sounds similar - apparently it used to be a nick name of his). Again, anyway. I dipped into this book (ok I read it all) while I was on retreat. It was so easy to read - as I said its all newspaper columns and magazine articles, all just a couple of pages long. It provided much needed light relief whilst I was on retreat, pondering life and not talking to anyone. I guess its Hugh F-W that has in part inspired me to think a bit more about what I eat, where my food comes from and all that sort of stuff. In taking time to cook, to consider where food comes from, to go out an pick/find it myself, I've found another way to connect with nature, with creation, and with God. It also fits in well with the whole 'slowing down' thing.

yesterday, all my troubles did not fade away

But this should not have come as any great surprise as the 21st of January was officially the most depressing day of 2008. I can concur, that it was indeed that.

the hub

The Hub (Sheffield) Ltd. is a new-ish organisation, based, as the name may suggest, in Sheffield. You can check out the brand new website, which went live yesterday, here. And yes, it does so happen that I am involved in this new venture.

The Hub works through and with the churches of Sheffield to share the good news of Jesus Christ among young people. It is an inter-church organisation committed to supporting Christian youth work, mission and ministry in the Sheffield area.

Its focus is on supporting local churches across the city in their work amongst and alongside young people, and in the sharing of the Christian good news. In essence it is a gathering together of Christian youth workers committed to mission and ministry amongst young people.

Do go check out the new website, which will grow and improve with time as churches and organisations from the Sheffield area upload information about whats going on.

on retreat

I know that no one will probably notice the lack of blogging action which this blog will witness in the next couple of days, but the reason for this will be that I shall be on retreat.

From Wednesday to Sunday I shall not be speaking to people. Which will be rather nice. The retreat is part of this course that I'm doing (that church pay for, as part of my ongoing professional development), which is rather grandly titled 'The Art of Spiritual Accompaniment'. The course is run by Sheffield Diocese, and its really good. I love the regular time out that it provides, a couple of days a month, time to be still, to pray, to just be, time for input, time to be challenged. I really value it, despite the fact that I'm one of two male participants in a group of nearly twenty, and possibly the only participant under forty, more likely under fifty. And I'm twenty-six, just for the record. I hope this means I'm not getting old before my time.

so i've managed to find time...

...to go to the cinema a couple of times in the last fortnight. Last week I went to see I Am Legend. Now I don't normall go in for things that can be vaguely linked to zombies, horror etc, but I'm really glad I went to see this film.

The whole undead bit is done very well, and fits with the story. It's not overdone, it doesn't feel too over the top.

I guess one thing I liked about the film was the kind of questions it raised, questions to do with purpose, destiny, suffering. All good stuff. Although the 15 certificate might limit its use in a youth group context it is well worth seeing. And might I add that it is well worth seeing at the cinema, rather than renting on dvd. I won't go into too much detail as to why, just trust me. (Assuming that cinemas across the country do what the Sheffield Odeon did right at the end of the film)

This afternoon I went to watch Into The Wild. I decided that work could wait, and that I'd go to the cinema instead. And I'm really pleased I did. Coming away from this film I remembered what it id I enjoy so much about going to watch films - the challenges, the emotions, the story-telling, the escapism. It has been a while since I've experienced sucha range of emotions while I watched a film, but this afternoon I've been angry, upset, sympathetic, envious, inspired.

You can go elsewhere to read reviews of this film, and you can go watch this film at the cinema or get it out on dvd. The photography/cinematography (whatever the correct term is) is absolutely stunning, and is done by the same guy that did The Motorcycle Diaries, another beautiful film. Much of the soundtrack is written and performed by Eddie Vedder, of Pearl Jam. Therefore, in my opinion, is also rather good.

2008.....

Ok, so I didn't quite get round to blogging in December, after all those optimistic thoughts in November about getting back to blogging more regularly. And I'm not going to do anything daft like making New Years Resolutions about blogging all the time, because if the last year is anything to go by, then that would indeed by a naively optimistic ambition.

However, having had some time off over Christmas, time to reflect on the past year, to think about life and what is important to me, I know that I do want to spend more time throughout the year thinking, and reflecting and writing. Some of you reading this who know me well will probably laugh at this point, as I do quite a lot of thinking as it is. But to be honest some of this thinking time is wasting time, dwelling on things which do not need dwelling on, worrying about things which do not need worrying about. Instead of doing this, I want to think constructively, to reflect critically, and to engage with others as we journey.

yorkshire sculpture park

I'd wanted to go for ages, but never got around to it, but on Monday I went to the Yorkshire Sculpture Park, just up the M1 from me.

Some friends of mine from church had been telling me how great this place was, in particular some of the stuff by Andy Goldsworthy. He does some amazing work with natural materials, wood, stone, plant stalks. There were four really big rooms, each with some construction using one of these different natural substances. One of the rooms had this massive screen made out of twig/stalk bits from blackthorn bushes (from which we get sloes....mmmmm....tasty sloe gin), all held together by spiky bits from blackthorn bushes.

Another room, my favourite, had been created into what I imagine it must be like inside a beaver's lodge. It was like a large cocoon of logs, all lying on top of one another, making a remarkably warm, cosy space. This picture doesn't really do it justice, but you get the idea.

The room was huge, initially really dark, to the point that you couldn't see other peoeple who were stood around the side of the room in the shadows.

I found it really breathtaking, it looked stunning, it smelt really good, it felt so warm, and was just incredible to think about the effort needed in putting it all together.

The rest of the park was really good too, the weather was good for walking, especially considering what it has been like recently. My friend and I had lots of conversations about 'what is art', and we spent an awfully long time watching a heron, which was so still, and so perfectly positioned, that we felt sure it was some sneakily placed sculpture. Eventually, after at least ten minutes, it moved. But just because it was a real heron, that moved and everything, does it make it any less art?

Anyway....it was a really good day, and if you get the chance to go there, I would take it. The Andy Goldsworthy stuff is only there until the beginning of January, but well worth a visit.

every so often you realise the journey is worthwhile

No, I'm afraid I'm not talking about something deeply profound, just football!!!

On Saturday I went down to Milton Keynes to watch Chesterfield. It was a fantastic game, which the BBC's report really doesn't do justice to. Both teams played some brilliant attacking football, which made for an open, and thoroughly entertaining game.

By the time it got to stoppage time, Chesterfield were leading 2-1, but it still felt like anything could happen. And it did. The Chesterfield fans were all standing at the end where MK Dons were attacking, the MK Dons fans were therefore, on the whole, at the other end of the stadium. MK Dons were attacking, about two minutes into the four minutes of stoppage time which had been announced. One of the MK Dons players managed to get the ball into the back of our net, the referee, with the help of his assistant, quickly ruled it out for handball. All the MK Dons fans, down at the other end thought that a legitimate goal had been scored. They all started cheering, thinking they had salvaged a draw from the game. Also oblivious to the referee's actions was the stadium announcer, who having assumed that the goal had been scored fairly, pressed the button to start MK Dons goal celebration music playing (Chelsea Dagger by the Fratellis).

So imagine the scene, the MK Dons fans are singing and dancing along to the catchy "der de der, der de der, der de der de der de de" chorus of the aforementioned song, and having realised the comedy of the situation, all the Chesterfield fans starting singing and dancing along too. After a good ten or fifteen seconds, the stadium announcer realises what has happened, and sheepishly faded out the music, the MK Dons fans bring their celebrations to a swift conclusion, but the Chesterfield fans all keep singing even louder, dancing more exuberantly than before, until breaking down into hysterics, at what has possibly become one of my all time favourite football moments.

The 220 mile round trip was most definitely worth it.

Oh, did I mention that MK Dons were top of the league....

and something else i've been meaning to do for a while....

.....is start getting my fruit and veg delivered, through on of those organic fruit and veg box schemes. This is the website of the company I've started using.

A good friend of mine has been suggesting I start doing this for a number of months now. I put it off over the summer, knowing that I would be away, and not about to use stuff up.

One thing that I've noticed pretty quickly, is that with the produce being organic, it hasn't been treated with preservatives, therefore, you need to use it up a bit more promptly. This is no bad thing really. Made some soup today, and my freezer now contains various curried vegetables.

I know it is probably a bit more expensive doing it this way, and I can't help but feel just a bit pretentious doing this, but I'll see how it goes. I'm looking forward to 'being forced' to use vegetables that I don't normally cook with.

Richard writes here about his experience at the River Cottage shop. While I enjoy getting my food through one of these box schemes, I can't help but wonder if what I'm actually doing is buying into some 'middle class guilt relief exercise', whereby I feel better about myself because I'm buying organic food, and not from a big supermarket......I don't know.....I think I could probably over analyse this too much.

why did i ever think it would be any different

I mean really, whatever made me think that England would pull it out of the bag tonight. I mean they even got our hopes up in the second half, coming back from 2-0 down, to equalise at 2-2, putting us within touching distance of making it to the European Championships. But no. They had to blow it.

I shouldn't be surprised really. After all, what gives us the right to think that we have the right to get to these major championships. We're England. That's all. Nothing more, nothing less. We're just one country, whose professional football infrastructure has sold out to major corporations, looking to make a quick buck from our beautiful game.

I could go on, but I'm guessing the smattering of people who read this blog don't read it for intricate football comment. I'm off to watch Chesterfield away at MK Dons on Saturday, with our Australian and Hungarian centre backs.

joining stuff up

So I've been doing this course that Sheffield Diocese run, called 'The Art of Spiritual Direction', which follows on from a course I did last year called 'Discipleship and Spiritual Direction: Listening to God, self and others', or something like that anyway. One of the aims of the second course being to equip people with the experience, confidence, and tools to better accompany people in some form of 'spiritual director' type relationship. The course is really good, and over the last 18 months of so it has been very good to have these regular quiet days, where I've been able to spend time praying, reflecting, and learning. But that's not really what I want to write about today.

Each day on the course begins with a prayer exercise, which is then followed by a time sharing in groups of 3 (triads - not the chinese mafia sort however). One of the things that emerged in my sharing was this feeling that parts of my life don't feel particularly joined up at the moment. There are all these thoughts going round my head, questions and doubts about God, about youthwork, about life in general, and then there's this youthwork practice going on in my day to day live, me living out what I believe, and what I believe I am called to do at this time. But these two areas seem quite disjointed. There seems to be no relationship between the two.

I have come to realise that while I was doing CYM, and then when I was doing my Masters degree, I really relied on the structure those two course gave me which provided me with the space and opportunity for my actions and beliefs to interact with one another. For my theology to inform my practice/life, and my life/practice to inform my theology.

In a similar way I fear that when I come to the end of the course I am currently doing, that the joined-up-ness of my spirituality and life may also become a little less joined up.

The day after I had been on my course, last Friday, I went to 'The Youthwork Conference' in Southport. Now truth be told I wasn't much looking forward to the conference bit, more the going away with my friends/other youthworkers from Sheffield. The conference was ok actually. Andy Flannagan was 'leading worship' - I really like Andy, he was with YFC back when I was, and there's something about his music, his sincerity which resonates with me - so that was pretty good. But to be honest none of the talks or seminars really grabbed me. Apart from one on the Sunday morning, which I decided to go to. It was by a guy called Andrew Smith who works for Scripture Union/Youth Encounter. He works for a project bringing together Christian and Muslim young people. It sounds really good.

And as I was sat in this seminar, being challenged about my views, being invited to participate and share my views, I realised how much I had missed this level of stimulation, and this invitation to participate in these kind of discussions. It really energised me. Without doubt it is the one thing from the weekend that has stuck with me.

So all in all, what I'm trying to say is this: that I thrive when I have the space and opportunity to engage my brain in some thinking/academic type stuff, that I've not felt as though I have that opportunity at the moment (maybe something to thing about as I contemplate my future), and that I hope this blog, and interaction with others on blogs, may provide some of that space, opportunity and stimulation that I need.

so here goes.....again....

For a little while now I've been wondering what I should do with this blog. Over the last few months, maybe even a year now, my inclination to write anything has been somewhat limited. In part this has been to do with my laziness. In part it has been to do with the way in which facebook has been taking over my life. I've come to realise that I spend a lot of time in front of the computer, but a lot of that time is not used very well. Interacting with people by 'poking them' or taking endless personality quizzes really does very little for me. That's not to say I don't enjoy those things, but its short term, slightly self indulgent, unhealthy like a McDonalds burger type enjoyment.

In recent weeks a couple of incidents have helped me reflect on this use of my time, the fact that I could be using it better, and that fact that using it better might actually stimulate me and satisfy me a little bit more.

In short what I'm trying to say is that I've decided that what I'm going to do with this blog, is, for the time being at least, start writing on it again. Hopefully with some regularity. So.....here goes.....again

greenbelt 2007

Yesterday I booked my ticket for Greenbelt 2007. Am looking forward to it.

I've been to Greenbelt for the last two years, though in previous years I've been semi-responsible for young people there, well, at least for their travel arrangements. This year I'm going just for me, though obviously taking advantage of the discount for church leaders :o)

In the past I've tried to do too much whilst at Greenbelt. This year I'm really looking forward to hanging out with various friends, old and newer, who I know are going. If you're gonna be there, or want to come along as well, then feel free to comment....

currently listening to.....and wondering.....

....the new Crowded House album. And I rather like it. 'The Best of Crowded House' has been a long time favourite album of mine, though I've never really listened to their individual albums.

I'm certainly not disappointed with the purchase, only disappointed that I bought it at Tesco, rather than the now sadly deceased Fopp. I know, I know, but its just cheaper at Tesco. And Fopp isn't open in the middle of the night allowing me to make impulse buys.

As I said, I've liked Crowded House for years. Their 'Best of' album has been one that has accompanied me through life, the songs evoking a wealth of feelings within me. Some good, some not so good.... Every time I hear a Crowded House song on the radio, I'm repeatedly annoyed when the following song is not the next one on the 'Best of' album, but rather some other drivel that really can't compare to sometimes soothing, sometimes haunting track I had hoped for.

Another recent purchase was Mark Ronson's 'Version'. Unbeknown to me I'd previously listened to, and very much enjoyed his reworking of 'Just' by Radiohead on 'Exit Music: Songs with Radio Heads', another excellent album which I'd thoroughly recommend.

It kind of feels like I've not brought that many CD's recently, which may be a good thing. I can't help but wonder if I'm getting stuck in a rut, or maybe it's more like settling into a comfy chair. Maybe listening to too much Radio 2 is taking its toll on me. I've just become concious that I listen to a few albums time and again, mainly from a similar genre, rather than going out and listening to new, different, maybe more challenging things.

I'm not sure that this is an entirely bad thing, maybe I don't want music to 'challenge me', maybe other areas of life are challenging me, but then again maybe other areas of life aren't challenging me and all areas of life are settling into a bit of a rut....

the weather

Yesterday things all got a bit mad. The weather in Sheffield, and the surrounding area, was horrendous. Unfortunately, three people died as a result of the weather. Two of these deaths occurred in Sheffield, one of which was in our local park.

I didn't know the lad who died. He lived in another part of the city, went to school in another part of the city, but was passing through my area on his way home from school. When I heard on the news that an incident had happened in the area, and that a young person was involved, my mind started racing. I started picturing the many young people who come to our youth club. I went down to Millhouses Park and spoke to one of the policemen there.

Although I discovered it wasn't one of the young people I know, some youth worker friends of mine do a lot of work in the school where he was a pupil. Please pray for them and for the school, and of course for the friends and family of Ryan Parry, the boy who died aged 14.

It's all just a bit weird. I know that people die across the world every day, and I know that young people die across this country every day. But to have it happen so close to home, in a place where so many people go to have fun, where I go to have fun, it's quite a shock.

Elsewhere in Sheffield there has been lots of flooding, homes and businesses ruined, people left stranded, without electricity etc etc. At the moment there's still the potential of a reservoir breaking through a dam and flooding over villages and the M1.

and once again....

....it's been nearly a month since I last posted on here. This is becoming something of a habit. Sorry.

I'm not tempted to give up this blog altogether, cos although I'm not massively motivated at the moment, I think I could be again in future. I know that in the past the blogosphere has been a source of inspiration, comfort and community to me, and I think it can be again.

Life just seems so manic at the moment, I just feel so busy. Partly cos I am busy. I was doing a prayer exercise on Sunday with some of the older young people I work with, and as I thought about where I'm at, and what I need at the moment, I was aware how much I need time and space to rest, reflect and to be me.

Thankfully, the other week I booked to go to Taize again. I'm not yet sure if I'll go for one week or two. Two would be bliss, and I'd be tempted to do another week in silence. But we'll have to wait and see.

This weekend at church is our 'Arts Festival'. I'm helping lead an all age art workshop kinda thing all day Saturday. This morning, and a v creative lady from church were constructing the basic erm, structure, or a corporate sculpture kind of thing we're gonna do. It's on the theme of letting our light shine out, as the Body of Christ, acknowledging the different people we are, but recognising the beauty that comes in that difference. It's gonna be a big dome shaped lantern kind of thing, (Yes I'm using 'kind of' a lot, but that's cos its all still in the process of coming together.....) to which anyone and everyone can stick different coloured tissue paper. Underneath we'll put some source of light (candles may yet prove too much of a fire risk). I'll try and remember to put some pictures up in due course.

Right, that's about enough for now methinks.

Who knows, I might even blog again soon.......